I Can’t

I sooo can’t.

It’s too much and my mindset is if I need help then a) the workload is too much or b) I’m not up to the task and I am always up to the task…except for when I’m not.

(Disclaimer, this post is fueled by an entire bottle of wine and a heaping spoonful of self-pity.)

We are two weeks into Ray’s recovery from alcoholism his surgery (I would never poke fun at alcoholism but in my current state the word recovery led me to being a shithead) and while he is being a better patient than I ever could have expected, he did pop a stitch which caused a major meltdown in the household.

Did I ever tell you that Julius passed his Canine Good Citizen test?  We weren’t scheduled to take it, but our sensei sprang it on us at graduation and he passed! It lead me to believe we could go further and we have been working on Therapy Dog certification.  We’ve passed the first two exams and have two more observations left but Juli’s biggest stumbling block is … me.

Yesterday on Pack Walk he was excited and pulling and I was frustrated and counter-pulling and being generally pissy until I looped the leash around my shoulder to keep him close.  I then offered treats which he doesn’t usually take during a walk …but he did(!) and began praising him.  The one comment on our test was that I didn’t talk to him enough, so I finally did- I praised and engaged him in our endeavor and it was almost like our trainers knew their stuff…he responded to me.  CLICK!  It’s like he finally knew and understood what I wanted from him because I finally told him.

So, while my housedog recouperates, and is amazing, my world dog and I will continue our work in making me a better person. One who is as good as the one reflected in Juli’s eyes.

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One thought on “I Can’t

  1. Oh, my gosh. I feel like ALL of my dogs’ limitations over the years were me! I totally feel you with that one, though I have to say: You’re doing a LOT of things right if you passed a surprise CGC test! Way to go!!

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